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| Ziggy = absurdist theatre in comic strip form. The life of Ziggy is really this window to how much we really really hate ourselves and how much we really really want to hurt ourselves.
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| So, there's this thing at a theatre in texas called the medea project. You basically write a play based off of the classic Greek play Medea. It is supposed to be five to ten minutes. Here's my entry. Sorry if it sucks.
“If Medea were my exgirlfriend.”
By Adam Smith
THE ACTION OF THE PLAY TAKES PLACE IN A MIDDLE CLASS HOME.
CHARACTERS
JASON
MEDEA
VOICE ON PHONE (GLAUCE)
MESSENGER
JASON ENTERS THE ROOM. LOOKS AROUND. NO ONE IS THERE. HE PICKS UP A CORDLESS PHONE AND DIALS AN 11 DIGIT PHONE NUMBER (A PHONE SEX NUMBER). THE AUDIENCE CAN HEAR EVERYTHING ON THE PHONE.
VOICE ON PHONE.
Hi, this is Glauce and I think you’re sexy. So sexy I want to talk to you live on the phone. But I don’t want anyone else to know, so I just need to secure our phone conversation with a credit card for only a dollar ninety nine a min-
JASON ENTERS HIS CREDIT CARD NUMBER.
VOICE ON PHONE.
Oh that’s so great. What about your expiration date?
JASON ENTERS HIS 4 DIGIT EXPIRATION DATE. HE IS GETTING ANCY.
VOICE ON PHONE.
Oh wow, you know how to push the buttons. Now I need those 3 hot numbers on the back of you card. The verification number. Can you verify your card for me, baby?
JASON ENTERS THE APPROPRIATE NUMBERS.
VOICE ON PHONE.
Oh yes! Now all I need is your name.
JASON.
Jason.
VOICE ON PHONE.
All you have to do is dial it in using the number with the appropriate letters.
JASON ENTERS THE NUMBERS: 5, 2, 7, 6, 6.
VOICE ON PHONE.
Your name is, LBRMN (Lib-Er-Mum-Nin). Press one if that is correct. Press two for another name. JASON PRESSES TWO.
VOICE ON PHONE.
Your name is KCPNO (Kik-Puh-No). Press one if that is correct. Press two for - JASON PRESSES TWO.
VOICE ON PHONE.
Your name is, Jason. JASON PRESSES ONE.
VOICE ON PHONE.
Oh that’s a sexy name.
JASON.
Thanks.
VOICE ON PHONE.
Hi Jason, this is Glauce, tell me your deepest fantasy.
JASON.
Sex with Men-
AN OBVIOUSLY PREGNANT MEDEA ENTERS THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR. JASON IMMEDIATELY HANGS UP THE PHONE.
MEDEA.
Who were you talking to?
JASON.
Me? I wasn’t talking to anyone-
MEDEA PULLS OUT A KNIFE AND PUTS IT AGAINST HER STOMACH.
MEDEA.
Don’t push me I’ll do it I’ll kill these babies!
JASON.
No, Medea, don’t kill our babies. I love them.
MEDEA.
I’ll do it
JASON.
Don’t do it.
MEDEA.
Fine. SHE PUTS THE KNIFE AWAY. SHE LEAVES THE ROOM TO GET A SANDWICH. JASON PICKS UP THE PHONE AGAIN, THE SOUNDS OF THE PHONE ARE QUIET. THE AUDIENCE CAN HEAR MUMBLING AND NUMBER PRESSING. MEDEA CALLS FROM THE KITCHEN. You know, it’s kind of funny. On the way home today, I passed these men on the side of the road.
JASON.
NOT REALLY PAYING ATTENTION. Oh yeah?
MEDEA.
Yes. These men were walking down the street with these leashes. Dog leashes, but they didn’t have dogs in them. It was like magic, these fully filled dog leashes that looked like they had dogs in them. But they didn’t. HaHaHa. It was really funny.
JASON.
Right. Ha-Ha. Hey Baby.
MEDEA POPS HER HEAD OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND SEES THAT JASON IS ON THE PHONE AND SLUMPED IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION, DERIVING JOY FROM HIS PHONE CONVERSATION. THE AUDIENCE CAN FULLY HEAR THE CONVERSATION. SHE SNEAKS OVER, PICKS UP THE UNUSED PHONE, AND LISTENS IN.
VOICE ON PHONE.
Do you like it when I call you baby?
JASON.
I like Captain better.
VOICE ON PHONE.
Ooh, Captain I’ll call you Captain if you call me -
MEDEA.
Aha I knew it SHE PULLS OUT THE KNIFE AND PRESSES IT TO HER STOMACH. I told you I’d do it I’ll do it Jason. So help me. I’ll cut these babies.
JASON.
I’m leaving you Medea.
WOMAN ON THE PHONE.
Jason? Captain Jason? Are you there?
MEDEA.
What? Baby no. I need you. I love you baby.
JASON.
I love her. He looks at the phone and says this at the phone rather than into the phone’s receiver. Baby, I love you and I'll leave her and I'm comin' out. Goodbye Medea. THE MESSENGER ENTERS THE HOUSE.
MEDEA.
I’m fucking the messenger.
VOICE ON PHONE.
Captain, I love you too. THE MESSENGER LEAVES.
JASON.
I - I have to go. Goodbye Medea.
MEDEA.
REMEMBERING THAT SHE STILL HAS A KNIFE. Jason, you stay right there. Don’t you move. Don’t you go anywhere. You stay there on that phone. MEDEA LEAVES OUT THE FRONT DOOR, RUNNING. Jason looks at the phone and talks again.
JASON.
I told her.
VOICE ON PHONE.
That’s so sexy. How’d she take it?
JASON.
I don’t know. She left.
VOICE ON PHONE.
O-o, yes. Fill your bags all tight and come to me. Hey, you can’t come in here!
MEDEA THROUGH THE PHONE.
Wow, you’re fat.
VOICE ON PHONE.
What are you doing?
THERE IS THE SOUND OF A SCUFFLE, THE PHONE HITS THE FLOOR ON THE OTHER SIDE AND GOES SILENT.
JASON.
Glauce? Glauce ?
MEDEA REENTERS THE HOUSE, SHE HAS BLOOD ON HER HANDS.
JASON.
What did you do?
MEDEA PULLS OUT THE KNIFE.
JASON.
What did you do Medea?
MEDEA.
Now you’ll never find happiness. Your two loves, whores and children, will be forever tainted She stabs her stomach. Ha Ha I’ve killed your children. Ha-Ha-Ha-I’ve stabbed myself. SHE FALLS OVER AND DIES.
ABRUPTLY, THE LIGHTS GO DARK.
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| So originally, I was going to talk about seeing "Be Cool," the obnoxious Obviousmanwithmaleparts and his sidekick The Overlaugher, and how John Travolta just needs to stop dancing in every effing film he's in, I was going to show the pictures at these links and say, "Communism Bad" to fit with my theme.
http://www.probertencyclopaedia.com/j/John%20Travolta.jpg
http://www.jjcollectibles.com/prod_images_large/travolta.jpg
http://web.tiscali.it/silviodr/dance2.jpg
But because I love you all, I present this:
Don't smoke.
 | Currently Playing
Hypnosis V.2: Quit Smoking Now!
By Dr Rick Collingwood
So you quit smoking but now you're on the bottle or with a cheap 2 dollar whore you graduated high school with, where do you go now?
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